The Utmost Respect

I think I have gained a newfound respect for my Mum. Not that I don't have respect for her. There are a lot of things about my Mum that I truly admire. I guess in this case, it's more of an unsung hero kind of thing.

I have, in recent years, gone on three significant travel trips, Belize, Peru and New Zealand - all, as it turned out, with my parents and sister. We all wanted to go to these places so we thought, heck why not just go together. So we did.

When planning for the Belize trip, I just left it up to my Mum, because I was about eight when we lived there and remembered very little about the place, so I figured if a trip down memory lane was planned, I'd better leave the planning to those with the memory of said lane. So Mum planned the trip and we had a great trip. She came prepared with maps, details of each town we were staying in, where we could possibly go and what we could possibly see. It was a fantastic trip!

Peru, we went with a guided tour group, so all the planning was left up to a third party - which was, for the most part, acceptable. Though there were a couple of times when we would have liked to strike out on our own. Even with the guided tour, Mum still came prepared with write ups on all the places we were going and maps of the ones that we were going to have some "independent exploration" time in.

Our last trip was to New Zealand, for which I did a little reading and flipping through of travel brochures to get an idea of the places and things I wanted to see. Again, the lion's share of the planning was left to my Mum, who, once again, came up with an Itinerary that we would all follow, found the accommodations we would stay in and once again, showed up with maps and write ups on every single stop on our trip. Everyday she would pull out the appropriate pieces of paper and say - "these are our options for today". The trip was great! Once again Mum's plans were ideal. And I don't think I ever told her how much I really appreciated her pre-planning and effort.

I have gained a new appreciation for how hard it is to come up with such a plan and I can't help thinking my Mum possesses skills far beyond that of mere mortals like myself.

You see, I want to go to the UK for six weeks this summer. I want to see bits of Scotland, England, Wales, Ireland and N.Ireland. And really, that's almost as much as I have managed to plan thus far. The "bits" have not yet been researched, the itinerary is vague at best and I have to somehow combine and accommodate (if you pardon the word) four people's schedules and four different arrival and departure times and places while avoiding being certain places on certain days but managing to be in others on other days.

It has left me all a bit overwhelmed and so I blog about it instead of working on it because it is, by far, easier to write about how hard it is to plan it than it is to, well, plan the thing.

So I sit in C's living room - where I can't possibly procrastinate from the task at hand - surrounded by maps of the UK and cuttings from brochures and copies of the months of May and June with various place names pencilled in on various days - feeling that I never gave my mum enough praise for all the hard work she's done over the years for the trips we have taken.

So to my Mum I want to say officially - THANK YOU for all the trips you have planned, all your hard work and all the planning you did made the trips fun and easy for me and I hope you don't feel taken advantage of. You are an awesome person!

...and to C - I'm sorry - it was awesome of you to suggest I work here by way of preventing my procrastination but, apparently, I can still procrastinate no matter where I am - what can I say - it's a gift - and alas, it's not what I had planned to do this afternoon.

Aging Gracefully

About a week ago I watched a documentary called "Young @ Heart". It is about a Choir that tours around the world doing their own special versions of songs by popular groups like "Rolling Stones", "Radiohead", "Coldplay" and the "Ramones", just to name a few. Their concerts invariably sell out. I would love to be a part of that choir - only problem is I'd have to wait a while, a really long while - about 40 years actually.

You see, the Choir, also called "Young @ Heart", is comprised of members who range in age from 73 to 89.

What impressed me most about the documentary (a copy of which I would be more than willing to lend to anyone who’d like to see it) wasn’t the choir members’ ability to sing, but their spirit and dedication to the Choir. How many octogenarians to you know that would be willing to listen to, let alone sing, a song like “Schizophrenia” by “Sonic Youth”?

Or have such humour to sing “I Wanna Be Sedated” or “Road to Nowhere” or “Staying Alive”? - All of which can be found on YouTube and are very amusing.

Or bring such poignancy to songs like “Fix You” by “Coldplay” or “Forever Young” by “Bob Dylan” (both of which still give me goose bumps when I watch the videos).

They all seemed to have such a love for life and a loyalty to the choir. They faced health issues and even death of fellow choir members with poise and grace and in true showbiz fashion – the show must go on.

All of which has left me hoping that I can age that gracefully.

I hope that, at 80, I will have such a love for life and a desire to try new things. Watching the documentary has reminded me that I can learn a lot from my elders – probably the most important of which is to always stay Young @ Heart.

Creative Unhappiness

Sometimes I think my best blogs are done when I am in a bad mood. Like some kind of literary lustration; the impetus is there to write – I write and I feel better.

I have always done this. I have many really bad poems from high school and was an angst-ridden teenager (alienation and heartbreak seemed to be my lot back then).

Even in recent years, when I was dumped; I wrote a poem (and ate a lot of chocolate, but that’s for another blog some other day) and was inspired to write a self-help book (which was “Book 2” that I started and never got very far with).

When I had to euthanize Beau; I wrote a poem (about a month later, when I started being able to breathe without crying) and several blogs posts since to help come to terms with his absence from my life.

When I’ve been fearful, or perplexed, or “in a funk” – I have blogged about it.

I am beginning to think that I am like Van Gogh (ok, I know I AM NOTHING LIKE Van Gogh, he was a true artist, I am not, but go with the analogy anyway, I know I’m not brilliant, or bi-polar – for which you are all grateful, no doubt)… where was I… Oh, yes …I am like Van Gogh – who did his best work when his depression was at its most acute. Am I best inspired by angst and anger?

So what happens when I’m NOT unhappy? What happens when, like now, I am quite content, shockingly enough, with my life as it is right now?

As it happens, in an attempt to prove I can be creative and happy at the same time (well, not really), I have once again embarked on attempting to do some creative writing. So far, I have managed to start one poem – which I intended to post as a blog in November (maybe February, as it is, as yet, unfinished); unearth an old “funny thing happened to me” story and turn it into a blog and, wait for it…I have, yet another idea for a book (or long story, which is probably a better name for it).

My long story is behaving exactly like my long stories of old – it exists as multiple parts – like scenes in a movie and they are currently occupying several draft blog postings.

If I can figure out a way to turn my “long story” into a series of short stories, I’ll post the blogs, but they would, most likely, not be posted in the appropriate chronological order which would, I imagine, annoy and confuse those who have the misfortune of reading them.

The problem is I get a part of a scene stuck in my head and I quite like it, then I write it down and try to complete it and take it to some logical end and then I get stuck. The imaginary world in my head requires too much explanation, it would seem – or it’s so far from reality that no one would be able to suspend their disbelief for long enough to enjoy the story.

So if you wonder why my blogging is lagging it’s because in my happy days I am trying to be creative; which is beginning to both stress me out and annoy me – oh, happy days!

I Resolve

I must admit to having a bit of a love-hate relationship with New Year's Resolutions. In all honesty, I think it tends more to the “hate” side more often than not.

The problem with New Year's Resolutions is that the VAST majority of time I am absolutely, completely, totally and utterly unable to keep them.

Even when they are not completely declared as Resolutions such as my comment to C last week stating that I was going to deprive myself of junk food for a while and see if I can shed a few pounds – that resolution lasted less than a week as the empty chip bag and candy wrappers that I hid in the bottom of the garbage prior to C’s coming over yesterday.

I think where I fail with New Year’s Resolutions is that they are generally restrictive statements – like: “I will not eat junk food”; or they are unrealistic – like “I will exercise twice daily 6 times a week” – yes, I really made that resolution one year. Both restrictive and unrealistic statements set me up for failure; restrictive resolutions make me feel I’m depriving myself of something and unrealistic ones are, well, self evident.

I know I’m not alone in setting these restrictive and unrealistic albeit well meaning resolutions. How many smokers declare at the beginning of every year that they will stop? How many people start diets in the New Year with a vow to lose the 5, 10, 20, 30 pounds they need to lose?

Why do we not set fun resolutions – like; “I resolve that I will see one movie a month” or “I resolve that I will spend more time with my friends” or “I will buy myself flowers on the 22nd of every month” or “I will do one thing I’ve always wanted to do, or go one place I’ve always wanted to go”.

But what happens if even the most pleasurable of resolutions are unattainable?

Maybe we need to stop setting New Year’s Resolutions at all; maybe setting ourselves up for potential failure is really a bad way to start a year.

So this year I will set no resolutions; I will just try to do more enjoyable things, to be healthy, maintain a balance in my life, spend more time with my friends and take a fun trip. All things I strive to do all the time regardless of the dawn of a New Year.

This is simply how I live my life – and I am resolute in that.