Happy Birthday to Who?

To me, birthdays matter.

Although I downplay my own, I do appreciate people recognizing my birthday without making too much of a fuss about it.

This year's was just about perfect. I got cards from family and a few close friends. I got my birthday muffin. I arrived home from work and was pleasantly surprised by an apartment full of balloons and streamers (yes, C, I was "pleasantly" surprised - despite my balloon phobia - it was a wonderful gesture). I got a wonderful dinner out with C (we don't go out for dinner much, so it's a nice treat for me) and we went to a movie as well.

Yes, pretty close to perfect - low-key but memorable.

On the flip-side; every so often I like to make a fuss about other people's birthdays! Unfortunately, more often than not, my plans and the Birthday-person’s reality are two very different events.

Several years ago I wanted very much to celebrate a close friend’s birthday with them. I thought Birthday-person (BP, for short) and I could go out for a nice dinner, or we’d order in and I could make a cake or pie for them or do something of their choosing, movie, theatre – just something fun, up to them. BP’s reality (and mine) was that a bunch of BP’s friends (which I don’t know) decided to throw BP a party and, since they didn’t know me, I wasn’t invited. So, instead I grumbled and sulked and felt completely gutted that I wasn’t able to help BP celebrate their big day.

I haven’t had any luck with special celebrations for C’s birthday in past years either. Last year I had to share him with Easter weekend and the year before that I only managed to eek out an afternoon meeting in a coffee shop.

This year, following the balloon and steamer grand gesture (for which C had to leave work early after discovering that since it was my birthday I had decided to only work a half-day) I really wanted to do something special for C’s birthday.

Since I was already cheated out of being the first to wish him a happy birthday (since he is to be out of town until the afternoon of his birthday) and also not able to make him a wonderful birthday brunch, complete with fresh homemade scones and special coffee. I thought; I’ll make him a wonderful dinner – complete with tablecloth and candles – a romantic homemade dinner for two, followed by a delectable dessert (also homemade, of course). Followed by – well, you never mind what I had planned for after dinner. The point is, it was to be special, intimate, and it was to show C just how much he means to me.

That was my plan.

C’s reality (and mine) is something I should have thought of; something, in fact, that I did think of a couple of months ago but had forgotten that I had thought of it. C and I are spending a wonderful evening with his family (his kids, his sister and his mum). I say wonderful and mean it; C has three great kids, a very sweet mum and a really cool sister and I would happily hang out with them whenever asked.

It’s just that I wanted to make C’s birthday special (emphasis on the “I” in that sentence).

And that’s what I realised about my disappointment about C’s birthday – it wasn’t about him, it was about me. Two things in particular about me – 1. I wished I had family close enough (geographically) to spend my birthday with and 2. my grand gesture of “See how much you mean to me” had a silent mirrored message “See how wonderful I am for thinking you are so wonderful”.

Were my plans for C’s big day as much for me as they were for him? By saying “you mean a great deal to me” am I also silently asking “Do I mean the same to you?”

I’d like to think not, but I’m honestly not sure.

Regardless, I have begun making some new plans, for a day that I will ask C to reserve just for me. I will hold the inaugural "C Appreciation Day" and fill it full of all of the things I had thought to do for his birthday.

Because at the root of it – C – you are very special to me and I am really glad you are part of my life and that you welcome me as part of yours.

Happy Birthday!