Just Don't Ask, Please

“Excuse Me” is the one phrase that I dread hearing from strangers that I meet on my commute to work. Now to clarify; it’s not the “excuse me” – get out of my way; it’s “excuse me” – do you have a minute and there are several reasons why this strikes fear into my heart.

Since live in one corner of downtown and work, essentially in the diagonally opposite corner in a building on the cusp of one of the worst neighbourhoods in the city (I know the “powers that were” thought it was prudent to put the Police Head Quarters next to what amounts to the Skid Row of this fine city, but I question this wisdom), my commute to work involves walking through downtown or a combination of taking the Light Rapid Transit system and walking. So during my commute, I sometimes get stopped and asked if I can spare any change or smokes, to the latter I reply; “Sorry, I don’t smoke” (which is the truth) and to the former I replay “Sorry, I have no change” (which is usually a lie, for which I generally feel a bit guilty – but my lack of charity is not what I want to discuss here). But maybe the feeling guilty is…

Being stopped for input on surveys or petitions annoys me because my commute, like everyone’s – I imagine, is meant to be as short and as efficient as possible and stopping to do surveys and listen to someone’s petition pitch impede my speed; or if I don’t stop, I feel mildly guilty for ignoring their pleas.

I often find that wearing sunglasses and my mp3 player help mitigate the likelihood of being stopped my thwarting potential stoppers from getting my attention in the first place, but sometimes they still manage to get my attention.

Then there’s the crazy people…

Once, on my way to work, I was stopped by rather dishevelled older man who looked like a cross between Freddy Kruger and Santa Clause and he asked me if spoke any other languages - after replying "No, only English"; he beamed from ear to ear and said "I was right! I thought you looked European" and then he happily walked off, leaving me wondering at his logic (ummm, wouldn’t Europeans be more likely to speak a language other than English??)

But worse still than the those looking for handouts, or those looking for an ear to bend, or even those looking for Europeans are those who stop me seeking directions.

I feel sorry for any lost soul who stops me on the street and asks me for directions, for there are very few times, after giving someone directions to somewhere when I don’t feel guilty after the fact. For generally I either send them in a circuitous route, or provide vague directions that may only get them halfway there, or worse still, I send them off in the wrong direction entirely. I’m just not good at giving directions.

It’s not that I have a bad sense of direction, per se, I think I have a fairly good one (mind you there was the time I got lost in London, oh and in Paris, oh and in Rome), hmmm, maybe that IS part of it; but somewhere that I am reasonably familiar with, I can easily get from ‘A’ to ‘B’ in my head, but to explain it, I miss a few steps; or the picture in my head doesn’t match reality and the trusting traveller finds themselves still destinationless after my dazzling directions.

Are some people just better at giving directions than others; is it something in their nature, or is it a skill they have learned somewhere along the way?

Are more outgoing souls less likely to be taken aback at having to talk to a stranger? Are more spatially inclined individuals better able to create maps in their heads and pass on that knowledge to the passerby?

I’m the first to admit I lack a very refined “attention to detail” and that I have been known to skip steps for the sake of “expediency” (which did not always turn out to be the

I’m not necessarily a step-by-step person; I use instructions manuals as rough guides or reference material to be used for trouble shooting rather than following it by word for word. So I suppose if I don’t use the step by step approach on a regular basis, does that make it harder for me to explain something to someone else in a step-by-step manner?

Another part of the problem is that I don’t think well on my feet, if someone surprises me with a question I get a bit flustered. Thinking that lost souls really want instant answers get’s me even more flustered and instead of hearing the helpful I-can-give-perfect-directions voice in my head, all I really hear is “Think, think faster, hurry up; say something!!”, which is NEVER very helpful.

I also feel that when giving directions you should be reasonably succinct and I tend to be a little more verbose than most (please stifle the sarcasm and the desire to say “Really? We never would have guessed?”)

I also tend to be a bit directionally challenged, in that I don’t always know which direction North is, and I’m a bad judge of distance. So I can’t easily say to someone “go 1000 metres North, then turn and head 500m West”. I have a friend who could easily do that and I have often thought that he must be part homing pigeon or bee.

So to spare myself some guilty feelings and spare others the frustration of getting bad directions, I’ll turn up my MP3 player, put on my dark sunglasses and hope to heck no one stops me and says “Excuse me”.