Banning the BAND

When I’m at work, I don’t want to be; when I’m at home I don’t want to do the tasks I need to get done. When it’s nice outside and I should go out and enjoy the weather, I can’t be bothered.

I really wonder how long I can go though life being this apathetic about things. Don’t get me wrong, my life isn’t one big yawn-fest; actually this past week was quite to opposite. But that week is in the past and the near-future seems to be filled with little more than what feels like a never-ending “To Do” list.

I know I’m teetering on the brink, I know this, because I’ve been here before; the problem is: can I change direction before I drop over the edge (or have I already slipped past the brink) and right into the arms of my old nemesis Depression.

Depression and I have had an on-again off-again rivalry that goes back years. I’m sure this isn’t the first blog I’ve done about Depression and his evil ways.

Like the four horsemen of the apocalypse; Depression doesn’t travel alone, he’s generally accompanied by his companions; Boredom, Apathy and Neglect (BAND for short). And like the four horsemen, BAND is a harbinger of bad times (I stop short of calling them apocalyptic, because even to me, that seems overly dramatic). BAND at its least potent, is a dampener of life and fun; at its worse, it has a paralytic effect that is hard to shake and at its MOST extreme (a level I shall NEVER allow it to reach with me) BAND is the bringer of death.

BAND and I are at the early stages; Apathy and Neglect are hanging about (as inseparable as conjoined twins) and Boredom seems to come and go like teenage acne. I’m getting behind in my bill payments and it has been ages since I gave the apartment a good cleaning. I know that aversion to unpleasant tasks is commonplace – even the happiest of persons will most likely spend some time avoiding tasks they’d rather not tackle. Though, after some amount of procrastination, most people get the tasks done – I sometimes do not.

Rather than do the unpleasant tasks, I allow myself to get seduced by Apathy and Neglect’s other buddy – Pacifying Distraction. PD helps the other two out by preoccupying the unsuspecting victim whilst Apathy and Neglect weave their web of seduction. Now PD isn’t always a bad guy – just ask any new mother with a crying kid – shiny object and soothers are more valuable than gold, at times. The key things to point out are: 1. “at times” is the operative phrase and; 2. I am not a wailing infant (though there might be similarities in my behaviour to that of a spoilt two-year-old) I am an adult and I must admit I am also quite addicted to my PD.

My PD is TV.

Now I hear you saying, TV isn’t a true addiction and I’ll admit it’s not as bad as some addictions; I don’t smoke, or drink, or do drugs – thank goodness; but still, I spend an inordinate amount of my “free-time” watching TV and most of this free time could be better spent doing, well, practically anything else! Instead of doing things I ought to be doing, I watch TV and, of late, instead of doing things that I’d like to do, that I used to enjoy doing, I watch TV – sounds like an addiction to me.

Thankfully I won’t wake up with a hangover the next day, or go though a tough physical withdrawal (should I decide to give it up) but still, since I do it at the exclusion of most other activities, it is becoming rather destructive.

The hard part is it’s so easy to do. All I have to do is turn the TV on and I become a gormless blob on the couch for the next X-number of hours. I have plenty of things to watch (mostly British mystery shows at the moment, in case you wondered) and have even spent nice sunny afternoons lolling about on the couch wasting the wonderful weather whilst watching some show or other.

Mindlessly I spend hour after hour sitting about watching TV, never thinking I ought to be doing anything else. Then, the next day or even later that same night, as I tumble into bed, I berate myself for wasting so much time watching TV, just to come back the next day and do the same thing!

Ah, PD, you’re doing your job quite nicely; Apathy and Neglect are so proud of you.

I know the solution to all of this; ridding myself of PD and the BAND. It’s the same solution that I have tried to establish before – Will Power and the Forces of Good – a little over done? - ok, just willpower then.

If I don’t want BAND to take hold, I have to give PD the ol’ heave-ho, or at the very least make him less front-and-centre in my life.

Easily said – I need to turn off the TV and do more, or maybe just to start with, turn off the TV and allow myself to do nothing. Or better still, read, or blog, or work on one of the myriad of stories I have swirling around in the creative half-conscious part of my brain. Do fun stuff! Then work in some of the "to dos" as less palatable (but necessary) as they might be.

I also need to get out of my apartment more (oh, this is beginning to sound very familiar). Find a pastime that forces me to go out and interact with real people instead of passively watching the lives of fictional people on the TV.

I know it starts with willpower and forgiveness and understanding, and maybe a smaller and slightly less daunting “To Do list”.

TO DO:
1. Turn off TV
2. Leave TV off
3. Rediscover the real world
4. Tell BAND where to go
5. Get on with things