Cartwheels in the Grass

Every so often I have an almost uncontrollable urge to do cartwheels in a grassy field.

Odd, really, I know.

It is just that sometimes I am so shockingly happy that I am stuck, while passing a grassy field, with the odd urge to do cartwheels though it.

The tragic thing is I'm not sure which I find more odd; the urge to do cartwheels or the underlying happiness that drives the desire.

This morning, on my way to work, no less, I was struck with the cartwheel contagion. I resisted the urge – being right downtown and dressed in my long leather coat and dress clothes I was afraid I’d be picked up by a passing police cruiser and escorted to the nearest mental institution after being mistaken for an escapee.

I guess the feeling was a kin to the day I resisted the urge to do my Happy Dance on the way home from work. But then, it was Spring, the long cold hibernation of body and spirit was at an end.

Now, nearing the end of October, I face the next 5 months with a sense of dread and resignation – Winter is just around the corner and the days of darkness are rapidly approaching. I already walk to work in the morning in the dark and soon, it will be dark by the time my work day ends and I shall travel home in the dark then too.

But today, in the dark, I wanted to do cartwheels.

I think the cartwheel compulsion comes from the desire for weightlessness; it is a controlled fall in which you cause yourself, for one brief moment in time, to be suspended upside down in mid air. It could also be a desire to recapture the whim and whimsy of childhood; when silly was fun and inhibitions were at a low ebb.

I mentioned my cartwheel compulsion to a couple of people – first they questioned the cartwheel compulsion and then they, after I explained I want to do cartwheels when I’m happy – they questioned my happiness.

Why are you so happy?

I don't know, was my response. I just am.

Maybe sometimes you shouldn't question things, shouldn't try to find a reason and just embrace the mystery. Rather than analyze it to find a cause, you should just accept it.

Sometimes, without warning and without reason, I just want to do cartwheels in the grass.