Never Far From Fitness

Someone, I can’t remember who right now, once said I was never far from fitness.  Meaning, if I remember correctly, I always seemed to be participating in one form of physical activity or another and he – because I’m fairly certain it was a he – figured I could handle any sport of physical activity put in front of me.

That was many years ago.

The sad thing is that it doesn’t actually take “many years” to loose one’s fitness edge – as I have discovered – it really only takes about two months.

Two months ago, almost to the day, I went on a five week vacation. Now it wasn’t a sit-on-your-butt-on-the-beach kind of vacation (mind you there was fair amount of sit-on-your-butt-in-the-car activity), I did a fair amount of walking and managed the occasional run; but the occasional run is not enough to keep me “fighting fit”.

Then, when I got back, it took me a while to get back into a routine – truth be told, I’m still not back into a good routine – hence the need for this post.

Right now, I am far from fighting fit and rather pissed off about it.

I have no one to blame but myself – I know that. 

I also know that the only way to get back my lost fitness is to work at it.  It is going to be an uphill slog – literally and figuratively.

The main things I need to keep in mind are:
1. It will take time
2. It will take effort
3. It will take dedication
4. It will take forgiveness

Time and effort, I think I can manage – it is the dedication and forgiveness that I struggle with.

I have trained for marathons, I have trained for half-iron triathlons – so I know I have the ability to be dedicated (at least dedicated enough to get through the races, if not excel at them).  But, given my long vacation, I signed up for neither this year.  So, without a lofty goal to shoot for, I find myself lacking in the dedication department and forgoing the forgiveness altogether.

I am inexorable in my self-flagellation – where I lack tenacity in training, I more than make up for it in relentlessness of regret.

I need to be more forgiving.  I cannot expect to pick up where I left off two months ago.  I have to come to terms with the fact that I am starting practically from scratch again – and like any form of starting over, it will be slow, painful and I need to be patient and kind to myself.

On the wall in my Chiropractor’s office, posted on a bulletin board there is a quote that, instead of inspiring me, makes me feel guilty:  “There’s a difference between interest and commitment. When you’re interested in doing something you do it only when circumstances permit.  When you’re committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results.” (the quote, in the office, is credited to Art Turlock, but I don’t know if that is true).

The thing that gets me every time I read it is the second-to-last phrase “…you accept no excuses…”.  Some days I think I am a walking excuse factory when it comes to reasons why I can’t workout – I will not bore you with a litany of excuses but generally the fall into three main themes: 1. No Time; 2. No Energy; 3. Ego.

I think the third category is the hardest to overcome.

Today is the day of the big triathlon I usually compete in.  Today, I am sitting at home at my computer thinking to my self every 10 to 15 minutes: “This time last year I was…[insert stage in race-prep. or race-event here]”  and it is depressing me.

It is depressing me because there is part of me that thinks I should be out there doing the race (but without any training that would be insane – not to mention ego crushing).  I KNOW I CANNOT RACE.  I also know that I CHOSE NOT TO race this year.  But still I feel guilty and left out.

I have no one to blame but myself for feeling left out.  I chose to go on vacation.  I chose NOT to join the group rides once I came back from vacation (Ego told me I’d be slow and left behind and I was too out of shape to ride with my Spin-class-come-cycling-club).  So I haven’t been on my road bike since being back from my vacation.  I think I can count the number of times I’ve been outside on my bike this year on one hand – THAT IS DEPRESSING!

I am tired of the excuses, I am tired of the self-guilt and I am tired of beating myself up. 

“…you except no excuses…”

I have to figure out how to re-commit to myself.  I need to find a goal or two that I CAN commit to and start getting results.

I know I need to get my Ego out of it, be a bit more forgiving when I don’t live up to my expectations and I know, it’s going to take some time, effort and dedication.

Hopefully I’m up for the task.